


artemis crock coming to the wrong conclusions

by impravidus



Category: Batman - All Media Types, Young Justice (Cartoon)
Genre: Brotherly Love, Brothers, Crack, Dick Grayson Being a Little Shit, Dick Grayson Being an Idiot, Dick Grayson is Nightwing, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Good Older Sibling Dick Grayson, Good Older Sibling Jason Todd, Humor, Jason Todd is Red Hood, Mistaken for Being in a Relationship, POV Outsider, SIBLINGS not dickjay, Sibling Love, Siblings, seriously i cannot express this any more
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-04
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-16 22:01:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,026
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29831526
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/impravidus/pseuds/impravidus
Summary: Nightwing has his hands outstretched, his palms opening and closing exaggeratedly.Red Hood shakes his head. “I am not gonna—”“Just one?” Nightwing interjects sweetly. “Please please please?”“You are such an idiot—”“Just ooone. C’mon, Hood. Don’t these arms look so warm and inviting?”“Inviting for a stab, yeah.”Artemis sees Nightwing being his affectionate (or as Red Hood would put it, extremely annoying) self and comes to the wrong conclusions.
Relationships: Artemis Crock & Dick Grayson, Dick Grayson & Jason Todd
Comments: 26
Kudos: 396





	artemis crock coming to the wrong conclusions

Artemis Crock is taking a  _ completely innocent _ stroll through the streets of Crime Alley.

Seriously! Despite the seriously suspicious circumstances, she is actually just taking a walk.

She had been meeting up with an old friend who slums it in the Alley now with a box of damn good pizza and a liter bottle of Coca Cola, there to watch shitty action films so they could make fun of the fight scenes. And she’s now heading to the bus back home.

She’s whistling quietly, her hands stuffed in her pockets and is about to step on the bus when she hears a familiar voice. 

“C’mooon. Just one?”

“Nightwing?” Artemis mutters. After waving to the bus driver that she’s not getting on, she sneaks to an alley and peaks her head up to the roof of the dingy diner on the corner.

Nightwing has his hands outstretched, his palms opening and closing exaggeratedly. His head is tilted and there’s a small pout on his lips. 

Standing in front of him is— oh God, is that  _ Red Hood? _

Red Hood shakes his head. “I am not gonna—”

“Just one?” Nightwing interjects sweetly. “Please please please?”

“You are such an idiot—”

“Just  _ ooone.  _ C’mon, Hood. Don’t these arms look so warm and inviting?”

“Inviting for a stab, yeah.”

“Just one! I promise. Just fifteen seconds of—”

_ “Five  _ seconds—”

“Ten seconds of the sweet embrace of your faaavorite—”

“Jesus fuck, alright!”

Nightwing grins cheekily and pulls Red Hood in for a hug.

To Artemis’s surprise, Red Hood wraps his arms around Nightwing, his chin resting on his shoulder. 

Nightwing’s hands drift up Red Hood’s back and loop under his arms. Artemis’s eyes blow out wide as Nightwing begins to dig his fingers into Red Hood’s armpits.

Red Hood squirms away. “You fuckin’ shit! I hate you!”

“Tickle tickle tickle!” Nightwing exclaims with a laugh.

“It doesn’t even fuckin’ tickle when I’m wearing the suit, you moron!”

“It’s the thought that counts, Little Wing. You can never let your guard down for the tickle mons—”

“Shut the fuck up. Oh my  _ God.  _ I’m not  _ nine.” _

“You are never too old for the tickle monster,” Nightwing says, hands on his hips. “You should know that by now.”

Red Hood snorts. “Never learn my fuckin’ lesson then, huh?”

“You gonna be there for dinner on Saturday?” Nightwing asks.

Artemis’s eyebrows shoot up.  _ Nightwing and Red Hood have dinner together?  _

“Do I got a choice?” Red Hood questions, crossing his arms over his chest.

“We’re having stuffed shells,” Nightwing says in a singsong voice.

Red Hood pauses, then sighs. “Fuck. I love stuffed shells.”

“Then you better be there!” Nightwing chirps. “This Saturday! Usual time.”

_ They have dinner together enough that there’s a ‘usual time?’ _

“Fine,” Red Hood says begrudgingly.

“Are you taking care of yourself?” Nightwing asks softly.

“I’m still alive and kickin’, aren’t I?”

“That doesn’t answer my question.” He begins to count on his fingers. “Are you treating your wounds thoroughly? Are you doing laundry regularly? Are you eating three square meals with actual, real, fresh vegetables—”

“You don’t even do that shit.”

“You should not be doing as I do.” Nightwing continues to point at his fingers. “Are you moisturizing after you shower?”

“Oh my God, you are a fuckin’ lunatic.”

“Moisturizing is important! Don’t you want to maintain your youthful glow?”

“Do  _ you _ moisturize?” Red Hood questions incredulously.

Nightwing scoffs. “Of  _ course _ I moisturize.”

“What do I even— how does one even go about… moisturizing?”

“Well you could be a gross cis white heteronormative man and use the same gross body cream for your face and neck  _ or _ you could get cream made for your delicate face skin that’ll leave you dewy and glowy and smelling like cucumber.”

Red Hood huffs in disbelief. “You’ve gotta be kiddin’ me.”

“Moisturizing is no joking matter!” Nightwing says with a dramatic gasp.

Red Hood laughs. “Well, hey, I don’t mean to cut this short — and by that, I mean I totally am — but I gotta go. Got some business to take care of.”

“Does that include any murder?” Nightwing asks, slightly disapproving but not completely appalled like he usually is by the topic.

“Not tonight.”

Nightwing beams at the response. “I’m proud of you.”

“You’re such a fuckin’ sap.” Red Hood shakes his head.

“You looove me,” Nightwing taunts.

“Shut your fuckin’ trap.” Red Hood flicks Nightwing in the forehead.

Nightwing’s expression sobers. “You know I love you, right?”

Red Hood stills. “Wing—”

Nightwing places a hand on Red Hood’s bicep and squeezes lightly. “I’m never gonna stop loving you, alright?”

“You don’t—”

“I do,” Nightwing says, firm and earnest. “I mean it. What you’ve done, what you might do, that doesn’t erase how much I love you.”

Red Hood pauses, almost completely frozen.

Nightwing takes his helmet in his hands and pulls his head down, pressing a soft kiss to the forehead of the red casing. “I’ll see you Saturday,” Nightwing says softly.

“You’ll see me there,” Red Hood says with a jerky nod. “As long as I’m not bleeding out on my couch, you’ll see me there.”

Nightwing’s serious posture dissipates into annoyance. He slaps Red Hood from the back of the head. “Don’t you dare.”

“Fine! I’ll try not to bleed out on my couch. Who knows if I’ll get resurrected.”

Nightwing frowns, most likely glaring from behind his mask. “Not funny.”

Red Hood just begins to run to the edge of the roof, saluting at Nightwing. “Love you too!”

At Nightwings slight stagger back, Red Hood guffaws loudly before grappling away.

Now, there’s many things going through Artemis’s head and she’s trying to make sense of what she just saw, but none of the answers are good. At first she considers that Nightwing is a traitor, maybe a mole, working with the underworld of Gotham and feeding them information about Outsider missions.

But then she remembers how painfully goodie two shoes Nightwing is and how married he is to rules and regulation.

Pft. Nightwing as a mole? Imagine that.

No. No, there’s only one clear answer here. The only answer that makes sense.

Nightwing is dating Red Hood.

**Author's Note:**

> and no. they are not dating. they are _brothers. _okay? okay.__
> 
> _  
> _if you want to chat, my tumblr is[official-impravidus](https://official-impravidus.tumblr.com/)_  
>  _


End file.
